Taking step back from my dining table, closed my eyes and moved my head for a few seconds to shake the image out from my recent memory and looked back. My lips curled in an upwards motion, fists clenched and I gave a mini air pump, the fire in my stomach ignited, I did it, I painted something.
For the first time in 7 years.
For so many years I had been saying to myself, get your paints out and paint something! So many times I bought canvases, new paints and brushes, I had written out my to-do list and added ‘paint’ somewhere arbitrary in my schedule, but I never found the time. There was always something more important to do, something dirty to clean, food to buy, dogs to walk, miles to run.
The same goes for this website and my new (although it’s not really that new) business venture.
I have been doing freelance work for two years now and for two years I have added to my to do list -‘get portfolio together’ ‘design business cards’’join social media’… the list goes on. I have recently taken the leap of faith to get Wolf & Rose off the ground because I’ve found the fire I lost and I want to keep it ablaze!
Working in Bath has allowed me to attend some great seminars and events, one day I received an email about a lunchtime workshop on confidence by the fabulous Jo Emerson. Intrigued by the subject, I booked my place and was soon a regular attendee of this particular lunchtime workshop. I started to become more aware of myself, my actions and the actions of others. It allowed me to open my mind and become aware of where I was in my life, what I was and wasn’t happy with – in almost out-of-body-looking-down-on-myself kind of way.
Thinking and discussing ‘life’ started to shake everything up and it was just what I needed. I know how easy it is to fall into the same patterns and become a robot. It is all too easy to forget what makes you get up in the morning.
The last workshop in the series focused us on our life’s purpose.
It was a daunting subject but Jo made it easy. It was so interesting to see everyone’s response to the questions raised, from the ridiculous to the sublime. I came to the quick conclusion that my life’s purpose was quite simply ‘happiness’, if I wasn’t happy I wasn’t living up to what I perceived to be my life’s purpose.
Which led us on to ‘Well, what makes you happy Becky? ‘ Other than my dogs, husband, family and friends…(not necessarily in that order!) The answer was creating. Being creative, having creative freedom, making a visual impact, working with people who want my services and making them happy makes me happy. It sparks that fire inside me.
I believe there is a fire burning inside of us all, sometimes it’s barely a flicker but sometimes it’s a monumental bonfire and I can feel my fire, I’m aware of it. It sits right in the center of my gut. When I make something, design something, draw something, paint something, I feel elated. I feel happy, positive, like I could achieve any god damn thing I wanted. I feel rich, I feel a little bit magical but most of all, I feel the fire.
I bought a top a while ago now. On the front it says ‘Do What You Love, Love What You Do’ I hadn’t worn this top before because I felt almost ashamed I wasn’t meeting my t-shirt’s expectation of me.
I’m wearing that t-shirt now while I post this.